I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
