the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
