I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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