Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
