mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
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