Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
