i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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