Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
