is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
