if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
