Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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