His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
