It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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