there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
