I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
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Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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