I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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