Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
