Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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