Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
