the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
