dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
