so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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