just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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