Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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