not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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