that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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