Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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