I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
