I can text with my tongue
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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