Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
