we're blogging at a bar
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
