I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
