he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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