Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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