Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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