So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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