Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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