Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
