Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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