she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Drunk is not a location!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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