If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
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My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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