Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She's like a pop up book from hell.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
