butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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