I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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