i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
