I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
