"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
