My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
