I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
