Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
