So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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