Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
