Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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