No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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