VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think I won the penis lottery.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
