If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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