and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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