She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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