So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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