before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Shame - the story of my life.
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