Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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