If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
