you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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