To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
