Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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