Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
