to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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