We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
