oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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