My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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