I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
