im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
