I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
