I want to have your abortion
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
