doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
