Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
