she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
