I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
