Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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