You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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