I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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