But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
