Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
