This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
