well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
