both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
