Pappa wants mamma naked
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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