we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
