His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
