Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
